Top Five Breakfast Cereals of My Childhood
Even though the Internet is chock full of listicles on every subject imaginable, it needs one more: my five favorite breakfast cereals as a little Billwulf. I say “breakfast” but I sometimes ate cereal for dinner.5. Fruity/Cocoa Pebbles
I must admit that I ate the Pebbles cereals more for the shock value of the unnatural colors they imparted to the milk. This is breakfast cereal at its finest trashiness.4. Freakies
How could a kid resist a cereal promoted by seven freakish cartoon mascots with names such as Gargle, Hamhose, and Cowmumble? I certainly couldn’t, even though the cereal itself was, shall we say, jejune. At any rate, according to the backstory, the Freakies cereal rings grew on trees, and that was good enough for me. Freakies also had the best toy: a balloon-propelled car in the shape of each mascot. My favorite was the car based on the purple mascot, Gargle.3. Quisp
Quisp is my earliest cold cereal memory. The cereal was named after a short extraterrestrial who flew by means of a propeller on his head. The box had a pleasing sky blue background, which I think is one of the reasons I favored it. I also enjoyed the texture of the saucer-shaped corn meal pieces, if not the taste.2. The Monster Cereals: Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Boo Berry, and Fruit Bruite
As soon as I saw Count Chocula and Frankenberry on the grocery store shelf, there was no way that I was not going to eat them. C’mon, cartoon monsters and chocolate-flavored cereal with marshmallows? Someone at General Mills had a deep understanding of kid psychology. I can say that even though I enjoyed the milk turning brown or pink or blue, I also enjoyed the taste of the monster cereals, even the more obscure Fruit Bruite. Count Chocula is the best of the lot because the mascot is a chocolate vampire—again, marketing genius. This Halloween, I intend to mix Count Chocula and Frankenberry. I can’t believe that I didn’t think of that when I was a child.1. Corn Flakes with Marshmallows and Hershey’s Chocolate
OK, this isn’t actually a cereal that you can buy, and I didn’t eat it as a child. This is a cereal I invented as an adult. Just break a Hershey’s chocolate bar into pieces and put them into a bowl of Corn Flakes. Then add marshmallows, and maybe almonds or walnuts. This is a decadent cereal that should not be eaten by children under any circumstances. It probably shouldn’t be eaten by adults, but neither should haggis. I advise against using Frosted Flakes in place of Corn Flakes because the resulting sugar high would only be followed by a hard crash and possibly a coma. Likewise with using chocolate milk instead of regular milk.
Honorable mentions go to Rice Krispies, although RK treats are much better than the cereal; Sugar Smacks, now known less honestly as Honey Smacks; and Corn Pops. I was never a Cap’n Crunch aficionado, although I certainly ate my fair share.